Thursday, February 2, 2012

Some Jokes

A joke (or gag) is a phrase or a paragraph with a humorous twist. It can be in many different forms, such as a question or short story. To achieve this end, jokes may employ irony, sarcasm, word play and, of course, polysemy and homophones, as well as other devices. Jokes may have a punchline that will end the sentence to make it humorous.

Jokes are typically for the entertainment of friends and onlookers. The desired response is generally laughter; when this does not happen the joke is said to have "fallen flat" or "bombed". 

One of the key technical elements of a joke is that its best when it expresses the maximum level of humour with a minimal number of words.
  • You never realize what you have till it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example!
  • "You're fat.".. "It runs in my family!"... "Dude, no one runs in your family.."
  • A police officer came up to me yesterday and said, "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "Kindergarten".
  • - Hola, quería alquilar Batman Forever. - No es posible, tiene que devolverla tomorrow.
  • The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was TENSE.
  • I hate la anglosajonización.
  • Dije "Too late" y me dieron un café en el Starbucks,
  • - ¿Cómo se dice 'beso' en inglés? - Tomorrow contra mi morrow.
  • Estoy muy contento porque hoy he recibido la respuesta a mi solicitud de ingreso en la NASA, con una nota estupenda: "Not able"
  • Shakespeare en McDonalds pide un McBeth.
  • My girlfriend called me a pancake today. I flipped.
  • - Últimamente estoy aprendiendo mucho inglés. (Llaman a la puerta) -If? -¿Se puede? -Between, between.
  • "What kind of murderer has moral fiber?" — "A cereal killer."
  • R.I.P Dense water vapour... You'll always be mist.
  • What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
  • People who stereotype are all the same.
  • I know the world won't end in 2012 because my yogurt expires in 2013.
  • What happens to a blind football Player? They become a referee.
  • I have just been watching two pencils playing football. It ended in a draw.
  • My friend turned up to my house dressed as Ape earlier and said 'how do I look?' Prime - Mate
  • I taught my dog to go without food and water for 4 months... And after all that rigorous training, the idiot went and died on me!
  • Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
  • A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, really angry. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you." 

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